It’s good to remember: We are all on borrowed time

Posted on by Live & Learn

So many indignities are involved in aging, and yet so many graces, too. The perfectionism that had run me ragged and has kept me scared and wired my whole life has abated. The idea of perfectionism at 60 is comical when, like me, you’ve worn non-matching black flats out on stage. In my experience, most of us age away from brain and ambition toward heart and soul, and we bathe in relief that things are not worse. When I was younger, I was fixated on looking good and impressing people and being so big in the world. By 60, I didn’t care nearly as much what people thought of me, mostly.

And anyway, you know by 60 that people are rarely thinking of you. They are thinking about their own finances, family problems and upper arms.

I have no idea of the process that released some of that clench and self-consciousness, except that by a certain age some people beloved to me had died. And then you seriously get real about how short and precious life is. You have bigger fish to fry than your saggy butt. Also, what more can you lose, and what more can people do to you that age has not already done? You thought you could physically do this or that — i.e., lift the dog into the back seat — but two weeks later your back is still complaining. You thought that your mind was thrilling to others, but it turns out that not everyone noticed, and now they’re just worried because your shoes don’t match. […]

I do live in my heart more, which is hard in its own ways, but the blessing is that the yammer in my head is quieter, the endless questioning: What am I supposed to be doing? Is this the right thing? What do you think of that? What does he think of that?

My parents and the culture told me that I would be happier if I did a certain thing, or stopped doing that, or tried harder and did better. But as my great friend Father Terry Richey said, it’s not about trying harder; it’s about resisting less. This is right up aging’s alley. Some days are sweet, some are just too long.

A lot of us thought when we were younger that we might want to stretch ourselves into other areas, master new realms. Now, I know better. I’m happy with the little nesty areas that are mine. For some reason, I love my softer, welcoming tummy. I laugh gently more often at darling confused me’s spaced-outed ness, although I’m often glad no one was around to witness my lapses…

— Anne Lamott, from “It’s good to remember: We are all on borrowed time.” (Washington Post, October 30, 2023)

31 thoughts on “It’s good to remember: We are all on borrowed time”

  3. I’m with Annie. Life is so much sweeter when I quit striving for perfection in all things and sought instead the mystery and beauty in life’s random perfections and imperfections. It became so much more welcoming when I quit trying to be seen, heard, known, accepted and learned to simply accept myself in all my perfectly flawed and exquisite humanness.

    thanks for this DK. She has inspired my video for this morning which I’m going to record… at some point today! 🙂 Gone is the need to ‘get ‘er done’ by 8am!

    Aging allows me to be content with life’s timeless flow not my efforts to fill time with all the stuff I can cram into a minute!

  4. Anne’s text is moving. I can well relate to everything she describes. It’s about giving in and enjoy life. The bliss of age is that we don’t need to perform any longer. This is freedom and the positive site of age, isn’t it?
    Thanks for this text.
    Wishing you a relaxed weekend
    Klausbernd 🙂

  5. Yes and yes and yes to all of this. 60 is less than half a year away for me and there are so many things that have changed within me.

  6. I will take everyone’s word here and start now!

    Not that I ever cared what anyone thinks of me 🤓

  7. Anne Lamott is such an amazing writer …time moves along and we are fortunate to make it into an older season of life…I’ve said that “Each Gift of Breath”, “moment by moment brings us closer to Completion”… /// What Anne Lamott said about “upper arms.” made me reflect on my own realization this week of my upper arms, I thought boy when I used to go to the gym my arms were better- as I pass by two different weights of of hand held, arm weights daily this week- I think it is time to put those back into use…in the background as I write this…the sweet husband says “I love you, your cute”…as the wind and rain in joint, battle does not cease <<< a commonality with age, not ceasing and there are benefits to the rain & to growing older… PS: Annie Lamott, always looks, eternally young and Joyful …!!! She is Wise…

  8. Dave, you laughing was pushing mt into Action…I just spent 5 minutes on the arms…ugh…day by day I will build back up a muscle tone that is better than it is today! I bet that in six weeks time I will be a little stronger 🙂

  10. She’s only partly right – at 65 I hardly care what people think of me. But I do care more about the state of the world, and that’s terribly depressing.

  15. Thank you for posting this. I’m on that downhill slide to 60 and am feeling this so very much now.

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