T.G.I.F.: I want what I want because I want it.

Posted on by Live & Learn

There is no end of advice these days on how to be a good person, how to make good decisions, how to be mindful and compassionate, how to have boundaries, how to be open, how to be assertive, how not to be self-effacing, how to be politically invested, how to live in the now, how to live in a world that demands immediacy, how to think about the future, how not to think too much about the future, how not to think. For a certain kind of person — the person who, usually, strives to be a responsible parent, a sensitive friend, an upright citizen, a person who tries to care about their community — it can be impossible not to succumb to the incessant urge to mimic someone else’s supposed balance and feeling of wellness in life. What do we even know about them really? […]

Listening to patients, it feels to me like we’ve reached a real pitch of delirium regarding generalized advice, prescriptions, moral codes for behavior and images of some supposedly achievable balance. This infinite pedagogical universe was recently, and aptly, named the shame-industrial complex; poured out from every angle of life on social media, pushed by algorithms. In this vertigo we’ve forgotten that no one knows, or has ever known, what it really means to be an adult. Also that pleasure is hard-won, small, ephemeral; singular to each person. Wishes are historically overdetermined — meaning it really is your pleasure, and your pleasure only…

What I found, after much work in analysis, is that there is no justification possible, no matter how hard I tried to find it. I want what I want because I want it. You have to live with your choices which are more-or-less inexplicable to others…

We are contradictory creatures, wondrously and terrifyingly so.

— Jamieson Webster, from “I Don’t Need to Be a ‘Good Person.’ Neither Do You.” (The New York Times · August 25, 2023). Jamieson Webster (@jamiesonwebster) is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst and a professor at the New School. She is the author, most recently, of “Disorganization and Sex.”

Portrait via Peter Rollins

37 thoughts on “T.G.I.F.: I want what I want because I want it.”

  2. Now I can’t stop this song from playing in my head!
    I know what I want and I want it now!
    From the 90s

  3. The glaring dichotomy of the self…better sometimes to just go with it, for neither side gives in and neither will consider compromise a win/win..

  4. David is correct Mimi! I cannot remember a single comment that you have posted that has not expressed wisdom. 🙂 You have a great gift for being insightful, but you are so gentle and modest that I suspect you would never admit it!

      1. Indeed, you are Dave. You are a lucky man! So cut the members of The Dark Side a little slack (not always, just as you see fit LOL). My impression is that Mimi is not a member of The Dark Side. She seems to rise above all of that, but you hold the membership list!

      2. I am also grateful for the wise women that I virtually meet here. (But we men are seriously outnumbered! So we have to be constantly on guard for suspicious activity!)

        I actually like to picture myself as a neutral member of this motley crew… attempting (usually in vain) to keep the peace. (Not sure Dave will allow someone to be neutral. If not, then I have an obvious duty to side with the men. (I don’t want to be blacklisted again!)

          1. Laughing… brutal honesty: not sure why, but I am an extremely sensitive person. I wilt under even minor criticism. That’s why I worked so hard to get off the blacklist (true).

            In parallel with that, I try very hard to be kind, gentle and compassionate to others (sometimes even if they don’t deserve it). If I accidentally offend someone I find it very painful and work very hard to correct whatever I did even though it was unintentional.

            I think I was born this way. This does not make me well prepared to defend myself in this world which can be quite cruel at times.

            (That’s why I need Wally for protection!)

          3. No worries! When the going gets really rough, my primal fight/flight instincts kicks into high gear! I hate confrontation, but when it’s absolutely necessary, I do what needs to be done!

            “Sensitive“ does not equal “Pushover” !

  7. Indeed, you are Dave. You are a lucky man! So cut the members of The Dark Side a little slack (not always, just as you see fit LOL). My impression is that Mimi is not a member of The Dark Side. She seems to rise above all of that, but you hold the membership list!

  8. Bottom line …. Take responsibility for your life and the choices you make. It’s called being a grown up. And yes admit that what you want is because you want it.

  9. On another topic, note my brand new avatar! Doug, the Ford spokespuppet (and close friend of The Flying Lizard) has come out of hiding now that The Lizard is off of the blacklist. Doug loves to drive sports cars, just like I do! He is suited up and ready to go!

  10. I find this so refreshing. The endless litany of articles and memes on how to live your best life/right life/happiest life etc. is exhausting. As our sage Mimi said, ‘Sometimes ya just gotta go with it.’

  11. What a great picture 👍👍
    I also didn’t want to be a good person, I rather wanted to be maladjusted than adjusted. But nowadays maladjusted is in, not be a good person is the fashion. Well, one can’t escape. Everything gets integrated as already Marcuse wrote in his ‘One Dimensional Man’.
    I wish you a happy weekend
    Klausbernd
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  14. Be yourself as it is the best to suit your design parameters, you are a product of the great Design 👍

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