Twenty Years of ‘Marital Blitz’: ‘Happily-Ever-After Doesn’t Exist’

~ Live & Learn

In a recent email, Suki John and Horacio Cocchi attempted to sum up their 20-year marriage in one paragraph, which read like a grocery list. It included: 8 homes, 9 housemates, 1 foreclosure, 21 jobs, 3 layoffs, 2 miscarriages, 1 birth, 3 parents and 2 friends deceased, 1 bankruptcy, 1 set of dentures, innumerable road trips, 3 days in Amarillo waiting for parts, 9 cars, 5 billion phone calls, far too many dance performances, 5 weeks in Europe, 17 weeks in Cuba, 1 summer in Vermont, 6 mattresses, 2 bread machines, 9 espresso machines, countless bottles of extra virgin olive oil, 5 tango lessons and 2 wedding rings.

The couple met 21 years ago, when she approached him in a coffee shop on the Upper West Side. “I saw him across the room and it was like a magnet,” said Ms. John, 58, who is as excitable as her wild, curly hair. […]

They are not a quiet or even-tempered couple. Living next door to them is probably akin to living next to trombone players. They argue often, about the symbolism of tango dancing, or which rug would look best in their living room, or whether God exists (she’s Jewish, he’s an atheist). “It’s noisy and messy and emotional,” she said. Mr. Cocchi describes their relationship as “marital blitz.” […]

After a lot of arguing, he acquiesced. “My wisdom is, it’s very hard to have a long-lasting relationship,” he said. “For me, it was about how much am I willing to give up to keep this marriage growing?” […] He likes to say, “Bad times will be followed by good times,” which seems true at the moment. […]

They also have a new ritual. They regularly meet at home in the afternoon, between teaching responsibilities, to take a “siesta” together. They lie next to each other in their dark bedroom. “It’s so sweet,” she said. “We just want to be with each other. I still think he’s absolutely adorable.”

~ Lois Smith Brady, from Twenty Years of ‘Marital Blitz’ (NY Times, August 10, 2017)

 

 

 

35 thoughts on “Twenty Years of ‘Marital Blitz’: ‘Happily-Ever-After Doesn’t Exist’”

  2. Pingback: Twenty Years of ‘Marital Blitz’: ‘Happily-Ever-After Doesn’t Exist’ – The Militant Negro™

  3. I honestly can’t remember the details and the times … but I do know that spending time simply being together side by side in “snuggle cuddles” keeps the appreciation and love alive. Otherwise, its so easy to get diverted with the minutia and daily activities that cause more and more separation. A moment of open hearted connection and appreciation is worth more than any job and commitment to others. 🙏

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  5. I have found those words to be very true. I’ve been married 36 years and sometimes it takes work. Don’t mind working because we love each other. But if you haven’t changed in 36 years there’s something not right. I love the siesta part…my problem is I’d fall asleep in an instant!

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  7. Luv this, David; and it’s oh so true for me too.
    At the bottom of my relationship with a very head strong man who chose a very determined (but sweet) woman lies a bond so strong! We just enjoy being together; no more, no less. It just works…

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  10. So wonderful.
    Makes me wistful. Would have been 22 years foe Mick and me this year. 22 years of mostly laughing together (when we weren’t ready to sell the other!)

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  12. Our 25th anniversary was yesterday. It is messy and complicated and glorious and if you had told me I would be with someone for 25 years and hoping for 100 more, I would have told you you were nuts. Hives on my wedding day, three very small boys wanting cake and fearing how well this family would blend. So many years ago – and yesterday.

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  14. My wife and I just “celebrated” our 9th wedding anniversary and have been together for over 15.5 years. To say that marriage is work is an understatement, and we are at a point now where we may not see another anniversary. Perhaps if we had put in more work ahead of time or communicated better… who knows. I am still fighting and want to continue this journey with her…

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  15. To this day, after 25 years together, lying down in our bed at the day’s end is just the best – for us both. That gratitude and gratitude in general, for the big and the tiny things, is the glue that keeps us together. Oh, and common goals and lifestyles and such. But gratitude. For all of it.

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  16. I’ve not heard of this couple…wonderful when people have long term marriages! /I talked with a charming 94 year old WWII Vet this morning at the doctors office…he was wearing a hat about The Greatest Generation, WWII I said thank you for your service and he smiled…he said his was in the European Theater, oh I said that was rough, he said oh, yes it was and I said I really appreciate what you did for the people he said TY and smiled,,, sweet, sweet man’ He mentioned his wife, I said oh, I am so glad she is still living how long have you and your bride been married, Velma and I have been married 74 years!! Wow. (she was 15 and he was 19, the J of Peace married them even though they were under age!..He had just been inducted into the Army…We had a great conversation that journeyed through life in the 1920, the depression, WWll, life with out electricity, plumbing…raising their two children, to losing an eye in a logging accident, etc to present day and I said I hope you live to be 100! He said he is looking forward to that day 🙂 He said he is in good health…His one eye was sparkly so I know that this gentle man and his wife must be a dear, dear couple…their success in marriage has spanned a life time of happy memories…

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