Damn well need to see

blue eye

One year ago, almost to the day, my post was titled “I Need to Read.”

Six months ago, my post was titled “See.”

The immediate thought was that the cycle was shortening, and the pain was increasing. (What happens at three months? Could this be the reason for the frequency of your posts increasing? Shudder.)

But, we’re not going there.

Rachel (daughter) prodded me to share my story about my visit to the ophthalmologist on Monday.  Love my girl.  She loves to see her big, tough Daddy in vulnerable positions. (Her Dad, meanwhile, wonders what possesses him to reveal “these” stories on social media.)

DR-M: I need to insert this contact lens to see if this will protect the erosion.

DK: I don’t wear contacts. I don’t like things in my eyes.

DR-M: Oh, this will just take a minute. It’s nothing. I’ve done this thousands of times.

DK: I’m not good at this.

DK: I didn’t wear a mouthguard playing hockey.

DR-M: No mouthguard?

DK: Gagging reflex.

DR-M: What does that have to do with a contact lens?

DK: Same with Dentist. Putty in the molds. Bite down. Gunk slides down throat. Instant gag reflex.

DR-M: This is your eye. You won’t gag on this. Trust me. This will be over in a second.

DR-M: But, I need you to keep your right eye open, while I insert the contact in the left.

DR-M: Keep your right eye open.

DR-M: You’re closing your right eye.

DR-M: You need to keep your right eye open.

(After 5 attempts, DR-M steps back and calls his colleague DR-C to assist in the procedure.)

DR-C: Hi David.

DK: Hi Dr. C.

DR-M: I can’t get him to keep his eyes open.

DR-C: He doesn’t like things in his eyes. He didn’t play with a mouth guard either.

DR-M: Really? Come on. Help me.

(DR-C is on my right prying open my right eye. DR-M is on my left lining up the contact. Both are hovering over me.)

(Oxygen is gushing out of my lungs. I’m feeling woozy  Claustrophobia. I yank my arms up. Push them both back. DR-M stumbles back. DR-C laughing. DR-M mumbles something about being in practise 35 years and never…)

DR-C: Are you OK?

DK: Does it look like I’m OK?

DR-M: What sport did you play?

DK: Can you please get me some water?

Image Credit: Your Eyes Blaze Out


  1. You are truly an original, pal….


  2. you never know when you’ll be inspired to guard your goal/territory, looks like your survival instinct kicked in. fight or flight!


  3. Alex Jones says:

    I have a similar reaction to needles 🙂


  4. Bless your heart. Did they ever get the contact in?


  5. Oh pal…way too much trauma for a trip to the eye doctor (though they couldn’t get a contact lens in my eye either and we are not going to discuss my phobia about dentists)…Big, strong dad panics; Rachel empathizes and loves her dad all the more for his candor and heart-in-display. And all of us? We smile and nod, some of us identifying, others just delighting in the perfectly replicated dialogue and subject. See?


  6. I understand! It’s good to share because you’ll see that you have many of us who understand. 🙂


  7. David: I hope you live forever because I get great laughs from reading the trials and tribulations of DK.


  8. I’m with you my friend … who is the idiot that ever thought it a good idea to jam something in your eye to help you see! As for the mouthguard though, considering I have witnessed those size 12s of yours in your mouth at times, I’m wondering how a small piece of plastic bothers you .. 🙂


  9. Not a pleasant visit… To me, any person having to endure this is a hero! 🙂


  10. contacts for me–no problem–the dentist on the other hand–bad news–I cannot open my mouth wide since I had TMJ and they seem to have little sympathy when they are jamming the plate in for the xray


  11. Your poor doctor! 😀


  12. Laughing! I love you for who you are David 🙂 This was amusing. I am still laughing.


  13. LaDona's Music Studio says:

    from another claustrophobe – i completely understand


  14. Get yourself a monocle. I think it would look good on you. (Compliment).


  15. I laugh
    Now – you can smack me upside the head
    Thanks for sharing your story & a chuckle 😉


  16. Tough Guy – Not 🙂


  17. Such a delight when you share the real stuff! Thanks, David.


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