Are There Really Only Two Alternatives?

“Learn how to become enthusiastically relentless about discovering how to create great wins for others — wins that increase their peace, their happiness, and their prosperity. It will become infectious, and you may often find others seeking the same for you.”

Harvey McKay is the author of several NY Times Bestsellers (Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive; Beware the Naked Man Who Offers You His Shirt). Is his newsletter this week (Are There Really Only Two Alternatives?), he reviews Steven Covey’s new book titled the The 3rd Alternative and shares his recommendations on how to resolve some of your most difficult conflicts and problems. Some top excerpts from the review can be found below:

“We live in a culture where compromise seems impossible. A meeting of the minds may consist of agreeing that the other party is wrong and the situation is hopeless…Covey defines the The 3rd Alternative as not my way; not your way; it’s a 3rd way we create together that is better than what either of us is thinking. When facing a critical difference with someone, you ask, “Would you be willing to work with me to create a solution that is better than what either of us wants now?”

“Conflict is a natural part of life. “Life is full of problems. Problems that seem impossible to solve,” he writes. “. . . we lose hope, give up, or settle for a compromise that doesn’t feel so good in the end…Covey says The 3rd Alternative works equally well on a playground, a battlefield, a boardroom, a legislative chamber, or a family kitchen. And he says it is “the key to solving life’s most difficult problems.”

How does it work? “To solve our most difficult problems, we must radically change our thinking,” he teaches. “You will find yourself poised on a transition point between your past, whatever it has been, and a future you have never imagined until now. You will discover within yourself a talent for change.”

Finally, he presents twenty solutions that a successful 3rd Alternative thinker will employ — from the inside out. I’d like to emphasize a few of them:

• “Beware of pride. Let go of needing always to be ‘right.’” How difficult is it to abandon your “perfect” idea for what may be a much better solution? I know that’s a struggle for me often enough. But knowing how alternative thinking can improve so many situations, I’m more than willing to work on this one.
• “Read widely — it’s one of the best ways to make mental connections and get insights that can lead to 3rd Alternatives.” I couldn’t agree more. Every group I speak to hears this message: Be a lifelong learner. You can’t stop learning just because you are out of school.
• “Make quiet time for yourself to think through creative 3rd Alternative solutions to your challenges.” As important as it is to be able to think on your feet, you sometimes need time to sleep on an idea or separate yourself from the conflict long enough to cool down and reframe your thoughts.
• “Learn how to become enthusiastically relentless about discovering how to create great wins for others — wins that increase their peace, their happiness, and their prosperity. It will become infectious, and you may often find others seeking the same for you.” This is perhaps the most important lesson to learn, and to me it means you have achieved a new mindset. And I have learned that the biggest lesson in negotiating is: If every party can feel some sense of victory, the solution is usually the right one and success is more likely.