Wednesday for Women: Who are you calling a Mama’s Boy?

Eric (son) turns 18 in less than a week.  Eric is a Mama’s Boy.  And Mama and Son are hand-in-glove.  They are cut from a similar cloth – both peaceful – both warm and gentle – both kind hearted – both intelligent and humble.  And, they share a deep emotional bond.

Meanwhile, there’s Dad circling on the outside looking in.

Mom’s the Nurturer.  The Protector.

Dad, on the other hand, is The Beast.

It all started with absentee Dad hearing that Mama was teaching her Son the proper way to use the toilet.  (I’ll spare you the details.  I still cringe.)  That was enough.  Ever since Eric was a youngster (after the bathroom incident), Dad has been relentless – – he’s been on the “Man-Up” bus. Tirade after tirade…

“PLEASE…Don’t baby him.”

“Don’t do absolutely EVERYTHING for him.”

“Stop wiping his nose for Pete’s sake.”

“It’s just a LITTLE scrape, let him toughen up.”

And it goes on and on and on.

So Mama happened to see this article (Wall Street Journal: Who Are Your Calling a Mama’s Boy?) on the night stand.  I asked her if she read it.  She smirked (with the “I-told-you-and-you-have-been-a-complete-id*ot-for-years-look) and walked away without a word.  Hmmmmm…wrong again.

Thanks to his Mama, Eric has turned out to be an amazing Son.

I encourage you to read the entire article – which is excellent and written from a Mother’s personal perspective.  Here’s a few choice words:

…for generations mothers have gotten one message: that keeping their sons close is wrong, possibly even dangerous.  A mother who fosters a deep emotional bond with her son, we’ve been told, is setting him up to be weak and effeminate – an archetypal mama’s boy.  He’ll never be independent or able to form healthy adult relationships…a well adjusted, loving mother is one who gradually but surely pushes her son away, both emotionally and physically, in order to allow him to become a healthy man…this was standard operating procedure for our mothers, our grandmothers, and even our great-grandmothers.  Amazingly, we’re still encouraged to buy this parenting advice today.

…somehow, when so many of our other beliefs about the roles of men and women have been revolutionized, our view of the mother-son relationship has been frozen in time. We dramatically changed the way we raise our daughters, encouraging them to be assertive, play competitive sports and aim high in their educational and professional ambitions.  We don’t fret about “masculinizing” our girls.

…many mothers are confused and anxious when it comes to raising boys.  Should they defer to their husband when he insists that she stop kissing their first grade son at school drop-off?  If she cuddles her 10-year old boy when he is hurt, will she turn him into a wimp…

…none of these fears however, is based on any actual science.  In fact research shows…sons who were close to their mothers were less likely to define masculinity as being physically tough, stoic and self-reliant.  They not only remained more emotionally open, forming stronger friendships, but they also were less depressed and anxious than their more macho classmates.  And they were getting better grades…finally there are no reputable scientific studies suggesting that a boy’s sexual orientation can be altered by his mother, no matter how much she loves him.

Comments

  1. My brother grew up without a mother, and sadly it resulted in him forming a very skewed impression of what it means to be a man. I’m a firm believer in the concept that the mother / son relationship is central to boys developing healthy relationships with the opposite sex when they become adults.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this article! I am a single mom who often wonders if I will do ok raising a little man. So far he is the most amazing young man, I have to say. Thanks for the pep talk!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nice post. We parents are doomed to criticism whatever we do. Our children will blame us for being too much one thing, not enough another, as we have no doubt blamed our own parents (I certainly have – sorry Mum and Dad!) But I don’t think too much love and care will damage anyone – and as a feminist I believe we need to focus on raising caring, sensitive boys as much as raising strong, self-reliant girls. It sounds like your wife’s done a fine job!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lorne Kanigan says:

    “The Beast”…how ironic as that is how I am viewed in our household. Everyday I work on trying to communicate in a way that I come across nurturing instead of beastly. Its a battle!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great post!! I admire my own child!! I think he is a wonderful human being!!

    As the first paragraph here states: We are cut from a similar cloth – both peaceful – both warm and gentle – both kind hearted – both intelligent and humble. And, we share a deep emotional bond.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you so very much from themother of a son who is brilliant, successful, a mostwonderfully devoted and gentle spouse, and a fantastic daddy to a daughter and a son ofhis own. I always knew all that tough guy talk from a lot of fathers was just disgruntlement about their own incompetencies as parents!

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  7. Good article!

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  8. Reblogged this on sherriemiranda1 and commented:
    Actually I must admit I agree with Dad on this one. I also think Dad’s rules should apply to girls too. I wish my parents had taught me to be a little tougher.
    I’m curious to hear what others think though! 😉 ❤
    Sherrie Miranda's historically based, coming of age, Adventure novel “Secrets & Lies in El Salvador” is about an American girl in war-torn El Salvador: http://tinyurl.com/klxbt4y
    Her husband made a video for her novel. He wrote the song too:

    Like

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