Tag: Personal Effectiveness; Growth; Lead

If you were pushed into a cold swimming pool, would you remember the shock?

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A colleague shared a terrific post called “Brutal Honesty”by Michael Arrington who is the founder of TechCrunch, Silicon Valley’s leading blog on tech start-ups.  He opens by sharing a quote from Vinod Khosla (a successful Venture capitalist): “We prefer brutal honesty to hypocritical politeness.”  And he closes his post with his keen preference for:

“Direct, brutal, no frills, awesome, wonderful, honesty. Versus being smile f***ked by someone who’s hypocritically polite. I’ll take the honesty any day for the win.”
“The Similarity Bias” is in full effect here – I’m naturally drawn to this communication style and admire the courage of those that live by it.  Yet, I’ve learned the hard way, honesty has it’s place…brutal honesty leaves a trail of scorched earth behind you.  Kate Nasser, a people skills coach, in her excellent post “Bluntness Bombs Out for 5 Reasons” explains why blunt, brutal honesty fails:
  1. No Warm-Up. Picture your bluntness as very cold water. If we push someone into a cold swimming pool, they remember the shock. If we let them wade in, they adjust to the temperature and can function. Thus if we want people to function and use our message, we shouldn’t shock them with bluntness.
  2. Punching Dulls the Brain. Punching bags are not known for their performance. They hang and swing. If we are being blunt to effect a change, those we verbally punch may swing away from us yet they are not likely to understand or change behavior.
  3. Bluntness builds barriers. Communication is for connection. Bluntness can create a busy signal — a barrier — between communicator and listener. If someone isn’t listening, your message bombs out.
  4. Bluntness undermines respect and credibility. The strength of the message is weakened by the rudeness of the approach. Who is going to respect and believe the message delivered by a blunt creton?
  5. Bluntness breaks bonds. Unless we each live as hermits, we interact with people to survive and thrive. Many times the same people more than once. Bluntness may get our words out but bombs out by breaking the bonds with those around us. It may even create vengeful feelings and instigate a war (verbal or hidden).

Many people resort to bluntness, out of frustration, when diplomatic honesty hasn’t worked. Others simply lose patience with those of less intelligence.  Yet when we reach the end of the rope, why cut it with bluntness? Unless we need to use bluntness to save a life or prevent death, hold on to the rope!  Take a moment and tap intellect, logic, and smarts to find a way to communicate with honesty and respect.

Sources: Uncrunched – “Brutal Honesty”.  Portions reprinted with permission of Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach(TM): “Bluntness Bombs Out for 5 Reasons.  Image – Best Attraction Marketing Tips