Monday Morning Wake-Up Call

I like to know how my story is going to end. And when I don’t know there is a kind of blind panic, which unsettles, unnerves, terrifies me. Like a wet finger run around the rim of the glass. I have to wait until the sound of this reverberating hum dissolves. Settles into silence again. And only then can I begin to breathe…

My days are spent constructing story, manipulating truths, assimilating life into fiction. To be performed, acted in, filmed, shot. I watch movies and comedies with the precise and earnest eye of a surgeon. Not because I believe I am anything special. I am a writer. Although that would denote a certain level of expertise. But in truth I feel a fraud. Uneducated. Unbrilliant. At times, frankly, illiterate. I lie about the books I’ve read. I am always trying not to be found out. If I am going to see a film, I prefer to have read all the reviews and to know the plot, beforehand. The joy I get is in piecing together the narrative. I like being one step ahead of the audience, with my insider knowledge, like some secondhand moonlighting cop, sifting over the pieces, working out how it is done. How it is being crafted.

—  Abi Morgan, excerpts from “This is Not a Pity Memoir” (Harper, June 7, 2022)

Comments

  1. Do I ‘like’ this? I did but I can’t agree.
    I read and viewed everything I could get my eyes on about the two films I commented these last days. I WANTED to know everything that was to be known, but solely so that I could enjoy it even more deeply (which I did in both cases).
    And why the heck lieing about not read books? What good does it to do? I wd have no faith in any opinion of this writer, thinking that she probably only read other critics comments.
    Sorry, this is not for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. We all have doubts from time to time about our lives, our, purposes, it’s all a, natural process of achieving growth, because if we don’t ask these questions of our own, selves, we are basically, stagnant in our lives, because we don’t feel like there’s need for change, and, to change is to, mature.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. So genuine, and so relatable for those of us who grapple regularly with the ‘sham theory’. (One day the world will discover that I am a total sham that has managed to fool everyone but myself)…we all defend differently – I read what I say I’ve read, but in other ways…I get it

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Her courage is sharing this has to be admired. I agree with the person who commented saying questioning our selves is crucial to our growth. But I still feel she’s too hard on herself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I just read a bit about her and her book, and wow. I cannot even imagine where I’d begin in that same situation

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bulletholes says:

    This is why I watch the same movies and read the same books over and over again. I like to tell people I haven’t actually read a new book in years. Its true. I read PIECES of books, a lot of the time over at David Kanigans.
    A while back I located an old girlfriend from 1978. She told me she was in the process of moving and had found a bunch of poetry I had written to her. I was horrified. She said she would send me copies if I like. I was even more horrified.
    This was tempered somewhat by the fact she had kept this poetry for 44 years, and according to her message, planned to keep the originals.
    Imagine my relief that when I received the big Manilla folder in the mail it wasnt ALL plagarized. It wasnt even as bad as I had thought it might be.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Easily the Comment of The Year!  Still Laughing at this:

      She told me she was in the process of moving and had found a bunch of poetry I had written to her. I was horrified. She said she would send me copies if I like. I was even more horrified.

      SO GOOD!

      Like

  7. Wow. To live what she is living through. I guess one would love to know the ending in this case.
    In the every day, I hate knowing the ending. Except when reading the book after seeing the movie. Because the book is always so much better, I half the time forget how the movie ended anyway (and yet, still am able to enjoy both).

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Anonymous says:

    “But in truth I feel a fraud.” = such an inner turmoil…that one works through, toward growth… “And only then can I begin to breathe…” & Appreciate each Gift of Breath…, I am not familiar with Abi Morgan, though I’m sure she has an honest wisdom…I do remember saying out loud to my friend years ago (C. Morgan a wise women) that I felt like a fraud…when I was struggling…I was always honest, helpful, full of integrity, kindness & held others confidences < such a heavy burden & even -though I held onto an inner turmoil I worked through a solution- when I released it, then I could freely embrace a breath…

    Liked by 1 person

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