Driving I-95 South. With Jazzman.

5:38 a.m. T.G.I.F.

68 F. Glorious Summer Day. And, yet for some reason you’re dragging. 

I-95 S traffic is smooth.

7 1/2 hours of sleep. Yet, groggy. Eyes blink to clear.  Makes no sense, you’re so damn tired. 

Exit 8, one-half mile ahead. Get off, go home, go back to bed. Call in Sick.

I slide into the right (slow) lane. A foreign place to me. 

I reduce speed to 55. A walk at a pace uncomfortable for me.

I pass Exit 8.

I trail a Semi. “If you can’t see my mirrors, I can’t see you.” I can’t see much of anything right now Friend.

Waze signals 17 minutes to destination.

Exit 5, one mile ahead. Get off, go home, go back to bed. Call in Sick.

I pass Exit 5.

I reach for the radio.  Spin knob to find Sirius 7 on 70’s. Carole King with Jazzman

Lift me, won’t you lift me
Above the old routine;
Make it nice, play it clean, jazzman
He can sing you into paradise
Or bring you to your knees
Jazzman, take my blues away…

I shift in my seat. Snap out of it. 

Exit 2, last exit. Get off, go home, go back to bed. Call in Sick. Call in Sick? When you really aren’t Sick? Light calendar, handful of appointments. Martyr. Moron. 

I pass Exit 2.

I swing into the center lane and then again over to the left lane. I accelerate. Sigh. I’m home.

I pull into the parking garage. Near empty but for the cars parked overnight.  I walk down the empty hallway. I set my briefcase on my desk.

Lift me, won’t you lift me
Right back into my old routine
Sing me into paradise
Or bring me to my knees


Photo: Jamie Schafer

Comments

  1. It’s funny I should read this when I just shared a meme that said: I feel like I am already tired tomorrow… which is exactly how I’ve felt since yesterday… no work today and still on slo-mo…
    Hope your energy picked up during the day.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Mama said there’d be days like this.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I understand your lyrics as if I wrote them, but I like Carole King’s better…😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You just wrote the (recent) story of my life!!!!
    BUT:

    😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. take the exit. the day will continue on with or without you in place.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! So true.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Your thought reminds me of:

      One of the most difficult aspects of the frantic rush through a busy life is that we often do not allow even the smallest notion of “completion” to enter the picture of our daily lives. We often rush from task to task, so much so that the end of one task is just the invitation to start another. There are no gaps in between in which we could take even a few seconds to sit, to take stock, to realize that we have just completed something. Just the reverse: how many times do we hear ourselves say, “I haven’t achieved anything at all today?”

      If you can practice cultivating a sense of completeness- even a glimmer, right now, in this moment, with the little things of life- there is a chance that you would be better able to cope with those aspects of mind that keep telling you that you are not there yet; not yet happy, not yet fulfilled. You might learn that you are complete, whole, just as you are.

      ~Mark Williams & Danny Penman, Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World (Rodale Books; November 13, 2012)

      Liked by 5 people

      • thanks, really like that, especially the last paragraph. in reading back my short answer, it sounded a bit harsh, but it’s all about giving yourself permission to just let things be.

        Liked by 2 people

  6. DK, I would also be lethargic if listening to Carol King on the morning commute. May I suggest something a little more upbeat? From the “Marauder” record, a live version of “Good Morning”. Volume up, seatbelts buckled. https://youtu.be/VdKHIVR9J5U

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hope you have a chance to recharge the batteries this w/end, pal. I’m often struck by the fact that I will not allow myself to simply lie in bed and read or watch a mindless TV program unless I am sick. Why oh why can’t we allow ourselves downtime to do something (or nothing) from time to time? Why must we be *sick* to grant ourselves leniency and a brief respite? Crazy. Hope that next time you’ll take the exit….

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Yesterday I wrote about seeking my rhythm in retirement — I think the ‘seeking’ comes from a habit of busyness — as Williams and Pennman describe in the quote you shared. The habit of rushing became the stress I carried always, which left me in a constant state of being on th edge of weary and feeling like you that morning driving the I-95 South.

    Post-retirement, in this place of rejuvenation, I can look back and see how much stress and ennui I was carrying — and at the time thinking was handling it all so well.

    Stopping. Breathing. Appreciating. They are all so necessary in a busy and a post-retirement life.

    Beautiful post David.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Louise. I read your comment several times and each time I thought, she’s found peace. I’m still searching. And I’m closer to this train of thought:

      One possible way to escape this unbearable state of uncertainty and the paralyzing feeling of one’s own insignificance is the very trait which became so prominent in Calvinism: the development of a frantic activity and a striving to do something. Activity in this sense assumes a compulsory quality: the individual has to be active in order to overcome his feeling of doubt and powerlessness. This kind of effort and activity is not the result of inner strength and self-confidence; it is a desperate escape from anxiety.

      ~ Erich Fromm, Escape from Freedom (Open Road Media; Owl Book ed edition, March 26, 2013)

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts Louise. Appreciate it very much.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. DK, you disappointed me 😑

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Christie says:

    What have you gleaned from this experience?

    Liked by 1 person

    • “One thing I’ve learned: I don’t learn from experience. I still hoped for something different this time.”

      A. K. Benjamin, Let Me Not Be Mad: My Story of Unraveling Mind (Dutton, June 11, 2019) 

      Like

  11. Christie says:

    With all due respect to You and to A. K. Benjamin… I don’t agree with A. K. Benjamin in regards to your quote in the above comment…One thing I’ve learned, is that we’re all fully, immersed in life, some Gratefully and Others Not and therefore we’re all learning from the experience of it all…

    And I think of these wise words written and sung by Carole King and the wise words of Denniz DeYoung of Styx and sung by the super group Styx…

    Carole King & Dennis DeYoung of Styx

    “I feel the earth move under my feet
    I feel the sky tumbling down, tumbling down
    I feel my heart start to trembling…(I need to go home now)
    ….I feel the sky tumbling down
    I just lose control
    Down to my very soul”

    One can hear their Soul, Calling… we need to listen to our Soul”..

    “I’m sailing away set an open course for the virgin sea
    I’ve got to be free free to face the life that’s ahead of me
    On board I’m the captain so climb aboard
    We’ll search for tomorrow on every shore
    And I’ll try oh Lord I’ll try to carry on….

    But somehow we missed out on that pot of gold
    But we’ll try best that we can to carry on…

    A gathering of angels appeared above my head
    They sang to me this song of hope”…”Come sail away”…

    One can hear their Soul, Calling… we need to listen to our Soul…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Never heard you say you have taken a sickie! I’m glad you listened to your body. It’s the only one we have, can’t trade it in for a new or younger version ha, and so, it always amazes me why we live like we can? Feel better DK 😀✨

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I hope that last night gave you a good sleep and upcoming nights as well…I hope you at least left work early, yesterday? As The Eagles, Susan Tedeschi, and me say “Take it easy”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Classic DK. I “still hoped for something different” as I read, but knew in my heart that you’d end up at the office. Not good or bad, better or worse, just pattern.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Christie says:

    Love, love the Entire Adam Zagajewski, quote…”hold a fabric of silence so fine
    and old that even a” breath” could tear it.” ” sweet as a troubadour’s song, the heavy sun wanders westward”

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Hugs from SC. May his memory be eternal.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. great post, but I am always impressed by how you are able to find just the right quote to express your thoughts. you must have a photographic memory, or you are really good at using Google!

    Liked by 1 person

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