Driving I-95 S. Catching the 5:40.

~ Live & Learn

father-daughter-hug-love

Wednesday night

RK:  Dad, can you drive me to the train station? I need to get to work early.
DK:  What time?
RK:  5:30 am for the 5:40 train.
DK:  Really? It’s a 5-minute walk.
RK:  You are up anyway. You don’t want me walking in the dark, do you?

Thursday morning.

We pull up to the station.

5:31 am.

DK:  Have a good day Honey.
RK:  What’s the rush? A few more minutes Dad. It’s toasty in here.
DK:  OK.

We sit in silence with the car running. I flip on ‘The Coffee House’ on Sirius: Ray LaMontagne with Trouble. The air vents are blowing heat, it’s 46° F outside.  And dark.

She’s wearing a black turtle neck dress and bundled up in a brown faux fur vest. Her hair, long, hangs  over her left shoulder.  Her arms are wrapped around a brown tote.  She’s leaning back against the head rest with her eyes are closed. She rests.

5:34 am

The discomfort loops. I quiver between the sanctity of the moment and The Clock.  There’s a clash between the safety and stillness in the cabin – and, the Addict’s ravenous need for a Fix. The mind trembles to re-engage in Pursuit. The stomach rolls on high seas.

5:35 am

DK: OK Honey. Time to go. Have a good day.
RK: You too Dad.

She steps out into the darkness.  I pause to watch her step onto the platform before pulling away.

5:37 am

I enter the I-95 S on-ramp and accelerate.

One hand on the wheel. Both eyes on The Clock.

5:40 am.

Tears stream down my cheeks.

My Abyss.

Post Inspired by W. S. Merwin’s poem “Turning”: 

Going too fast for myself I missed
more than I think I can remember

almost everything it seems sometimes
and yet there are chances that come back

that I did not notice where they stood
where I could have reached out and touched them

this morning the black shepherd dog
still young looking up and saying

Are you ready this time

Notes:

33 thoughts on “Driving I-95 S. Catching the 5:40.”

    1. Becoming less so Lori. Katrina Kenison: “We wish we could have those lost moments back, wish we could live them differently with more love, more attention, more patience. With more gratitude for all that we so blindly took for granted. Instead, we have only the truth of right here, right now: the truth of what we really want and how we really feel, the mistakes we’ve made and our longing for forgiveness, the love we still yearn to give and receive.”

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      1. Wonderful, DK! I, too, am trying to ‘stop and smell the roses’ in the moment, rather than looking back in time and thinking, ‘Ah, damn, if only I had realized….’ With age comes wisdom, right, (and some wrinkles… 😉) Savor every moment with those lovely kids….

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  5. Moving….your precious daughter, found comfort, strength and shelter….she knows you love her and You very much, cherish the moments you had with her…heartstrings engaged..

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  10. “That I did not notice where they stood, where I could have reached out and touched them”
    Beautiful poem and moment with your daughter. You are present with her, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to write these things about your time together. You are aware of your thoughts, good and bad… and that is more than most.

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  11. I wonder what her sweet, full,cherub precious little face looks like…I would guess is about 2 and 1/2 looking at the length of her, hair and the fat content in that trusting little hand…I feel blessed to be a Mom of a daughter who was such a little darling one….

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  12. I sit here, stirred. David, your words today show us many things, not just insights into your life, which you are really very generous to share – but into our own. And make us think. yes, that is a good thing. 🙂 thank you

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  14. I caught my son in a photo as he walked towards me.It was parents’ weekend at The Citadel…all were on edge, don’t draw attention. but, his eyes caught mine and he was a man with a sweet little boy subtle smile that said..”I love you too.”

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