No more tears. Here’s to good outcomes.

~ Live & Learn

tear-drop

It’s a ritual before bedtime.
Nightly.
Now running for 14 months.

I stand in front of the bathroom mirror.
Take a deep breath.
Raise my left hand to pull down the lower left lid,
Raise my right hand to apply a thin stream of the prophylactic.
And if I had a third hand (and was a Believer),
I would make the sign of the cross, look to the heavens, and whisper:
Work your magic. Please.

Sodium Chloride Ophthalmic Ointment.
Generic Brand.
40% cheaper than the Name brand.
Found and bought on Amazon.
Produced in Lake Forest, Illinois by some unknown bucket shop.
You are one strange dude. You don’t think twice about the risk of a no-name eyeball lube bought on the web but refuse to buy generic Raisin Bran cereal at your local Stop ‘n Shop.

Apply every 3 to 4 hours, or as directed by Doctor.
Ophthalmologist’s instructions were nightly. And nightly it is.
For temporary relief of corneal edema.
edema: the collection of excess of watery fluid.

But that’s not the real pain point.
Which is…

During sleep,
the eye lid clamps with an air-lock seal on the cornea,
not permitting the normal lubrication that occurs in functioning apparatus.
And in the morning, on the occasion when the lube job fails,
I peal (tear) the eye lid from the cornea
and water explodes from the socket.

There’s more.
The eye grimaces at any form of light after a bad outcome.
Pain shoots through eye surface areas where the skin was torn away.
And miracle tears flood the area offering a modicum of salvation from the spear.

I sit in darkness for 30 minutes waiting for It to pass.
And relief typically arrives.
With light tremors and after shocks lingering for minutes, and up to 8 hours, on a bad day.

The silver lining:
In the mornings with bad outcomes,
I now have forced meditation for 30 minutes.
No laptops, no smartphones, no books.
Just me. My breath. And a yearning for a good outcome.

Back to the nightly ritual.
Too little lube = bad outcome.
Not evenly applied = bad outcome.
Turn too soon to left side and it pools left under lid = bad outcome.
Lay flay on back and let it distribute = even chance of success.

It’s almost bedtime.

Here’s to good outcomes.

Photograph: Daniel Wildi

43 thoughts on “No more tears. Here’s to good outcomes.”

  2. OMG that sounds awful. I have never heard of it. I do hope for healing and a very good outcome for you. Of course, I can’t be unhappy that you are meditating……that is definitely a good outcome. 🙂 Get better soon

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  5. I used to have to do that when I lived in a very dry climate. At the same time, my eyes apparently did not make tears that were oily enough. Corneal abrasions hurt like hell. I have had more than I can remember, but not a one since I moved to Maine. No more eye lube for me. You have my sincere sympathies.

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  11. I am sure that you have researched this to death and are doing everything in your power to correct/relieve the problem but I thought it might be inspiring/hopeful to hear of a success that was relatively simple. Granted, this is one case with specific parameters but…one case could be another, right? I am thinking positive thoughts for you to be the next…one case.

    Here’s the link. http://www.aao.org/eyenet/article/curious-case-of-corneal-edema?january-2007

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  12. This sounds very painful … and I hope can be resolved. Trying options without medical intervention is something I always do as well … sometimes it works and sometimes its time to see a specialist.
    Good luck and good healing David!

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  14. I am stunned to hear this. Did a little reading about the condition, symptoms and treatment, I wanted to be more informed so I can be specific in my prayers for you. I believe that prayer can heal and you will have a favorable outcome to your present situation. Faith and belief can help you overcome a situation or provide comfort, strength and endurance.
    I am actively praying for you!
    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

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  15. I liked, but don’t really like. Thinking of you, David, and holding intentions for good outcomes, too. Quiet, meditative time with you and your breath…that sounds like a little gift in there. May you have good outcomes with your nightly ritual all the time.

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  17. Sounds horrible David.

    I have dry eye in which my eye lids glue themselves shut every night. If I squeeze them tightly several times before trying to open them, all is well, otherwise, they become irritated.

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