Repeat after me

Saturday-funny-rest-sleep-gif


Image Credit

Just Perfect

perfect-stone-quote

I’m on the train, returning home, and rifling through blog posts on my reader.
My index finger pauses. Then stops.
You are perfect.
I stare.
You are perfect.
I am Perfect.
I am Perfect?
Who believes this nonsense?

No breakfast: And 1 granola bar for lunch. (No calorie diet after weekend gorging.)

No 8 glasses of water a day: Try zero. Zero liquids. (A head scratcher. Is that even possible? Are you a camel? An Android?)

No waiting for Walk Signals: I jaywalk in a criss-crossing of Manhattan streets, sheets of freezing rain slapping my trench coat. Eye glasses wet and fogging. (March 31. Please, Please make it Be Spring.)

No shortage of stupidity. I rub the rain-splashed-grime off the toe caps of my shoes with my hands, and instinctively reach for my suit pants. Black shoe polish. (I look around to see if anyone is watching.  Just me.  Who does this?)

No breaks: No pauses. No eye rests. No at-your-desk toe and leg stretches. (An accomplished All-Pro Back at the sedentary position.)

No Enjoyment of the Warming Evening Sun: Head down, as the crow flies, walk-running cross-town to catch the 6:30 pm Metro North. (Aware of no one. Aware of nothing. But the shot clock. More March Madness.)

No Perfection: Just another Imperfect Manic Monday.

 


Image Credit

Pause. Then, ask yourself 3 questions:

funny-gif-need-said-question

funny-gif-need-said-question-ask-2

funny-gif-need-said-question-ask-think-3


Ouch. Hitting close to the bone here…


Source: themetapicture

Mastery of Forethought

dwight-funny-1

Dwight-funny-2

the office,Dwight Schrute


And one more:

“I never smile. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”

Dwight (The Office)


Source: Thank you Karen @ Karen’s Korner

20 Lessons at 44

middle age

Pamela Druckerman, author of “Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting” shares 20 Lessons she has learned in her 40′s upon turning 44.  Here’s a few nuggets from her article in the NY Times: What You Learn in Your 40′s:

3) Eight hours of continuous, unmedicated sleep is one of life’s great pleasures. Actually, scratch “unmedicated.”

4) There are no grown-ups. We suspect this when we are younger, but can confirm it only once we are the ones writing books and attending parent-teacher conferences. Everyone is winging it, some just do it more confidently.

7)  Emotional scenes are tiring and pointless. At a wedding many years ago, an older British gentleman who found me sulking in a corner helpfully explained that I was having a G.E.S. — a Ghastly Emotional Scene. In your 40s, these no longer seem necessary. For starters, you’re not invited to weddings anymore. And you and your partner know your ritual arguments so well, you can have them in a tenth of the time.

11) More about you is universal than not universal. My unscientific assessment is that we are 95 percent cohort, 5 percent unique. Knowing this is a bit of a disappointment, and a bit of a relief.

12) Just say “no.”

14) Do not buy those too small jeans, on the expectation that you will soon lose weight.

Read entire NY Times article here.

Yup

funny-pigeon-chess-board-bird-argument


Thank you Susan for sharing with me. (I think)


Image Credit

Nope. Not yet.

funny-spring-season-winter


Source: themetapicture.com. Thank you Susan.

Yup, about right

chart-funny-hot-cold


Adapted from Buffer

Enough already

funny-snow-winter-shovel


Image Credit

That’s right. Not yet.

true,funny,reading,books,


Looking at a many books < on my book shelf > and knowing…


Source: Assorted

When? When does it end?

winter, cold,scrape


Image Credit

Mantra for the Week

cool-paper-evolution-people-act-window-professor-funny


Source: themetapicture (Spotted in the window of a biology professor office…)

How Much Fun You’ll Have Tonight

New Year's Eve Party

Hmmmmmm.
I might add the following to the y-axis criteria:

+ Tolerance level/distance in commuting to a New Year’s Eve party (and finding a ride back)
+ Interest in shelling out piles of cash for the inflated cost of cover charge, dinner and cocktails
+ Excitement of socializing with 1,000s of your closest friends and talking about it the next day
+ Ability to stay up to/beyond midnight (which is beyond your 10pm shot clock)
+ Recovery period for digesting vast amounts of food and alcohol
+ Enjoyment of watching the ball drop in Times Square live (vs. from your couch on TV)


Credits:

Yup. Fact.

funny-true-pet-dog-sleeping


Image Credit: Dogbook

Which one are you?

funny,true,chart,punctuation


Hmmmm. If, like, a friend has multiple social personalities — like say a Dash. An Exclamation Mark. A Question Mark. Do they merge to create goodness?


Source: Ilovecharts

Black Friday Truth

elana-black friday-


“I’m just going to be really clear about this, I’m not leaving my house today. Nope. Not happening, I’ll end up accidentally losing my sh*t and that just can’t happen.”


Adapted from I’m going to raise hell

Texting Glossary for Dads

kids-texting-dad-funny


And
“WHATEVER”: They are looking for exit strategy and struggling to find one. Your point of view is completely dissed.


Source: Adapted from Themetapicture.com


SMWI*: Pie Chart

exercise,weight loss,run,food,pie


SMWI* = Saturday morning workout inspiration. Source: themetapicture.com

Yup. That’s how they (thoughts) roll.

funny-thoughts-bored-mouth


 

 

 

Oops. Too late. (again)

thoughts-funny-think


Source: designspiration

Here it comes again. Sunday Night.

funny-baby-job-face-work-sunday-night


Source: funtooo


No GPS required. I’ve got these directions down.

121018_cake_chart_funny


Source: twiceshy.bitedaily.com

Fact.

reading, books,book,true,funny


Source: Themetapicture.com

A Million Things That Bug Me

funny-Calvin-and-Hobbes-comic-list


Source: themetapicture.com

That moment of pure pleasure

funny-goat-


Source: Adapted from themetapicture

The Worst Friday

funny-cat-worst-Friday-Thursday


Credit: Themetapicture

DK Profiler Diagnosis: Malady of Malapropos

funny-thought-out-loud-awkward


mal·ap·ro·pos

[mal-ap-ruh-poh] 

1) adjective: inappropriate; out of place; inopportune; untimely: a malapropos remark.
2) adverb: inappropriately; inopportunely.

Origin: 

1660–70;  < French mal à propos  badly (suited) to the purpose

Sources: 1) Image Credit, 2) Malapropos definition


Monday Morning Wake-Up Call: Ugh.

snoopy on Monday Morning


Image Credit: Thank you Joy of Traveling


That’s Right.

saturday-sunday


Source: Lily_Unique

Related Posts:


Just Ripe?

chart, funny,true,ripe,

The Optimum Edibility of an Avocado


Source: ilovecharts

T.G.I.F.: How’s your week gone? Exactly.

funny-tgif-calvin


Image Credit

Yes. (Take 2)

Anxiety-chart


Source: everybodyhasabrain

SMWI*: Faroe Islands


Running, biking, walking, horseback riding, dining, community, family, vacationing – the full monty here.  The tagline for this “Visit Faroe Islands” video is “Unspoiled, Unexplored, Unbelievable.”  Let me just call it wonderful.

And if you are asking yourself, self, where are the Faroe Islands? Hit this link.  Be sure to check out the “Gallery” Tab.  Incredible photographs.

Faroe Islands


SMWI*: Me too.

exercise-funny-workout


SMWI* = Saturday Morning Work-out Inspiration

Source: themetapicture.com

T.G.I.F.: Yep, nailed it

driving, kermit-the-frog,funny,laugh


Image Credit

Valid

diet,exercise,weight loss, fat,funny,true


Source: Modified from themetapicture.com

I fully embrace my *&$# too!

handwriting


I love when “Research” validates what I’ve believed to be true for years.


Source: themetapicture.com

SMWI*: True!

funny-treadmill-walk-long


SMWI* = Saturday Morning Work-out Inspiration

Image Source

SMWI*: Landing somewhere between 1 and 2

health, fit,fat, cartoon, gym, workout


SMWI* = Saturday Morning Work-out Inspiration

Source: themetapicture.com

T.G.I.F.: Breaking News!

funny-angry-goose-Canadian


Source: Themetapicture.com

Memories: Introducing you to my younger brothers

Childhood-memories-funny


Source: Imgur

A Morning Prayer

funny-prayer-God-quote


Source: themetapicture.com

T.G.I.F.: So, how did work go this week?

funny-bird-tgif-work


Source: Adapted from themetapicture.com

Who’s the King?

bed

I sneak a peak at the clock. 2:30 am. Early, even for me.

I’m teetering inches from the edge of the bed. Drifting in and out of consciousness.

I can hear his breathing. It’s too hot for him to sleep at our feet, under the covers, a winter pastime. So, he’s up on the pillows. This was cute as a puppy. Beastly now at 67 lbs. And he’s a leaner. On your legs. On your back. On whatever is in the way. But lean he must.

He dreams. He’s running. His paws and legs kicking. Faster. Faster. Faster. A bear pawing a tree, roughly ripping slabs of bark and digging his claws into its sinews. Or me.

Enough. Bleary eyed I grab my pillow and get up. He’s watching me warily and emits a low growl. He remembers our weak kneed attempts at re-training to have him sleep on the floor. That ended badly. For us.

I trudge up to the attic.

I toss. I turn. I toss. I turn. 3:00 am. Hopeless. I can’t settle. Doesn’t feel right.

I waddle back downstairs. Linus with his pillow and blanky in tow.
I crawl back into bed. He turns. Licks my face. Rolls over. And leans against my back.

I gently lean back into him.

Damn dog.


Image Source: Themetapicture.com

Related Posts: More on Zeke

Hump Day: Kids!

true


Source: Imgur

SMWI*: Do we want to work-out this morning?

Giraffe

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


  • SMWI* = Saturday Morning Work-Out Inspiration
  • Thank you Rick for introducing me to the term Anthropomorphizing: “the attribution of human characteristics or behavior to a god, animal, or object.”
  • Photograph Source: Thank you Rachel via Pinterest

Tuesday Morning. And we’re off.

sweat-photo

Need to catch 5:36 am to Grand Central.
Out the door.
Reach down in one motion…snag the morning paper and head down the street. Smooth. Just like 007.
Walking briskly. It’s 5:20.  ½ mile walk. Gotta go. Gotta go.
Grab iPhone to check weather.

Precipitation:50%
Humidity: 96%
Wind: 4 mph
Temperature: 72F

Humidity. 96%. 96%. [Read more...]

Saturday Morning Workout Inspiration: Yep, about right.

true, funny, diet, weight loss, fitness, exercise


Source: elias silveira ilustração & design

Just sayin’

religion,funny,true,God, bible


Not sure about your neighborhood, but mosquitoes are the size of dimes in ours…


Source: themetapicture.com