Running. With Guilt.

guilty, guilt, remorse, black and white, illustration4:05 am. And STILL, no cable, no phones, no internet.(Morning routine disrupted. Motivation waning. Out of bed. But out of sync. Ranging somewhere between live fish in boat flopping around the deck to full Train derailment.)  

4:07 am.  Begin surfing internet on iPad.  (Wondered what I used to do at 4am in the “old days.”  B.I.  Before internet.  I don’t even remember.  Ah, yes.  I used to read.  Like books.  Real Reading has plummeted. Guilt washes over me.) 

4:15 am.  Still reading and surfing.  Mostly surfing.  (Mind shifts to AT&T 3g – confident that their gouge meter is running.  I’m watching cute cat and dog videos while AT&T is performing alchemy – turning my minutes into cash.)

4:22 am.  I hit publish on my work-out inspiration post.   I look out the window.  Black as coal.  Touch window.  Feels cold on finger tips.  (Shut-er-down. Enough alchemy feed stock for AT&T.  Mind shifts to Running in the cold and in the dark.  Hmmmmm.  I grab my Grandma’s hand-knitted quilt and fall heavily into the couch.  Now, there’s inspiration for you.)

7:00 am.  Conscience wakes me.  I need to exercise NOW or this will never happen. (Mr. Work-Out Inspiration Man needs inspiration.)

7:30 am.  Out the door.  Brisk morning but not brutal.  ~ 45 degrees.  Overcast. (Dreary out.  Just like my state of mind.  Legs feel heavy.  It’s no wonder – I’m up 3 pounds since last running post.  Two Kit-Kat bars a night pre-post Halloween will do it.  Oh, yea, let’s not forget the Twix bars.  They are not full size though.  Three of these candy bars equal to 1.5 regular size.  I can’t even believe I said/wrote/thought this.)

7:38 am.  1 mile split time.  (Spirits turn up.  Matching record time.  But upstairs is telling me, this ain’t going to last, pal.  Breathing heavily. Too many layers – must look like the Michelin man.  If I fall on the highway – I’ll have the tire tracks to match.  Sweating heavily too.  Is that caramel I’m tasting in my sweat?  I have serious problems.)

7:48 am. Running by storm debris.  Volunteer workers are cleaning up the shore line.  I look at their faces.  I see satisfaction.  Doing good and feeling good doing it.  (And me, the Anti-Mother Theresa, I’m burning off Kit-Kat bars.  What a high bar I’ve set.  When the internet comes back up, I’ll send another check to the Red Cross.)

7:58 amI reach the Stamford Cove Park.  The park is closed.  I stop.  (OMG.  I’m confident that someone is now conspiring against me. This cuts 2 miles off my run.)

8:40 am. I move to walk-run.  Mostly fast walking.  I get home.  Time check: 4.3 minutes* worse than last Saturday. (ENOUGH.  Time for another nap.)

*(And don’t bother reconciling the time stamps above to this running time.  I’m 4.3 minutes worse than last Saturday and we’re sticking with it.)

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  1. You always make me laugh Dave! Love these posts. Cold air is denser than warm air. Let that account for your slower time – works for me. (Trying to give you as much credit here as possible).
    Anti-Mother Teresa? I doubt it.

    • Laughing too. First of all, thanks for the atta boy slap on the back. I feel like one of your struggling piano students who just can’t seem to get it. “Just keep at it Dave.” And, Cold air is denser than warm air. Hilarious. Really? You’ve wildly mistaken me for Usain Bolt. I do appreciate the warm thoughts and consideration. I’m going after it again this morning. And I had better see and experience better results.

  2. I’m always amazed that when you do something good for yourself, your inner voice can still self-deprecate. I would love to have a conversation with that voice in your head one day. I’d have a thing or two to say to him. :-)

    • I bet you would. I bet you would. I can hear the murmuring through the wires already.

      • Guilty as charged (and guilty anyway – it’s a genetic thing). I do admit to occasionally having conversations in my own head that are eerily similar to yours. But after awhile I bore myself – it would be refreshing to talk to your inner voice (especially since you guys are in dialogue so often). ;-)

      • I never have that problem. (Boring myself). I just escalate the anxiety to higher and higher levels. It also keeps one of the edge (of something). :)

  3. Sounds like you need to download The Wind Weeps from (or and read it on your gadget after your run when you’re ready to relax in your recliner. Reading is the “in” thing again, now that we can do it electronically. I promise you’d be entertained.

    • The Wind Weeps. Which part of “terror” and “survival” would you find to be soothing? OK. I do appreciate and admire that you have been riding along my posts for 10 months and not a hint of self-promotion. I get it. Don’t have to tell me twice. I just bought the book. (No promises on review though. Or the timing of completion.) :)

      “””Andrea leaves big-city boredom in Ontario to search for love and adventure on B.C.’s rugged coast. As she seeks independence and romance, the love of two men and a relationship with a woman lead her into the world of commercial fishing. She is drawn into a rough life alternating between savage beauty and serenity. But adventure turns to terror and Andrea’s survival is threatened.”””

  4. Nothing like reading this after having that kit kat. It is snowing – but now you have guilted me into hitting the treadmill!

  5. This made me smile here in my warmth… Sorry, Dave…! I feel so mean, and yet I know you take it good-naturedly.. I do wish I could send some sunshine, and some internet… Now, put that Kit-Kat down! I do that too; I rationalize ‘all the time’… Really, it’s just a little itty bitty chocolate… ;)

  6. I didn’t know WHAT to do with this one…so I mostly laughed! I’m sad and happy at the same time…only you can do that Dave. :-)

  7. You are an inspiration to us all to get out there in the early morning for that run. Today I sprang out of bed to do just that (run), I updated my blog, then went back to bed.

  8. Running with guilt is as dangerous as running with scissors. Try to avoid it.

    • Laughing. Dale, I usually find if my mind is filled with worry, guilt, anxiety – when I run – I run out of gas. I try to force “better” thoughts in the head. Sometime I win. Sometimes I lose the battle. :)

  9. Oh you’re so funny. I think I will make another donation on your behalf….

  10. Caramel tasting sweat? Mine tastes like chocolate! Good for you for getting out there. Sadly, I am bonding with my treadmill more and more these days.

    • Lately, the sweat rotates from chocolate, caramel and pistachio ice cream. I too have been hanging out with the treadmill more frequently – getting to be a warm weather fan…a bit of cold, a bit of rain, a bit of rain – is enough to keep me indoors. Rugged man that I am. :)

  11. You already know that I love these “David dialoguing (or is it monologuing?) posts,” and this is no exception. I’m with Mimi, David, give yourself credit for getting out there AT ALL. As a fellow exerciser, I can honestly tell you that sometimes you’re feelin’ it, and sometimes ya ain’t! Or, as Dire Straits so aptly said, “sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug.”. ;-).

    • Thanks Lori. I don’t know if you and Updike would call it dialogue or monologue, I can it a ‘mash-up.’ I certainly wasn’t feeling it yesterday – and I’m feeling it less today – if that’s even possible. But, but, we are going to push through this. I LOVE the Dire Straits quote. Never heard it before. Thanks for sharing. Dave

  12. That was an amusing post, I can definitely relate to that procrastination, although over time I’ve started to get better with it!

    • Hi Nick. Thank you. Glad to hear you have it licked. It’s a battle for me every day. I can rationalize away exercise with a long check list of excuses. I even know what and when I am doing it and I still do it. Amazing…:)

  13. The fact that you got up and out is a massive success (and I mean that in the nicest, bulk Kit-Kat way)!

  14. LOL. At least you did it…no matter how far or short!! Wild that i took the Kit-Kat & Twix from Halloween as well.

    • AND, I didn’t it again last night. Our Halloween was post poned because of the hurricane. So Kids from neighborhood came around yesterday. And I was back feeding at the candy trough again!

  15. At least you ACTUALLY step out of the house! I am stuck at the “thinking about it” part! :P

  16. I feel you David. I laughed (at the sweating carmel and AT&T comments) but with a tinge of sadness and self recognition. I spend way too much time with electronics lately. I feel my realness slipping away. When I run or read an honest to goodness book I feel so much more alive and connected with the world. Working on it. You inspire.

    • Thank you Brenna. Funny you mention the feeling you get when you pick up a book. I picked up a book (real book, not Kindle) for the first time since I started blogging over a year ago. I had the same wholesome feeling you mention. I’m aligned. Squarely.

  17. Mr. Work-Out Inspiration Man needs inspiration. Love the way you play with words, Dave.

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